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To whom do we listen to? (by Andreas Weber) This paper is written to prevent such heartache and to give biblical guidance to followers of Jesus in a world that explains away Jesus´ words if they are uncomfortable. The books that I read focused mostly on the obvious scriptures. These are only a few. Then there is a lot of speculation about what could have been meant or a strong focus on a few scriptures or neglect of other scriptures and the authors decide, that these words were valid for a different time or culture - the rules might not be applicable today anymore - they say. I want to take a different approach:
Before we start: In general we Christians make our good confession in the presence of many witnesses (1.Timothy 6:11-16). The words are „Jesus is my Lord!“ (John 18:36-37) - there are some issues on which it might show if we really have Jesus as Lord and listen to him or if we just said the words and rather listen to teachers, who say what we want to hear - the issue of divorce and remarriage is one of these dividing issues. Why did Jesus say these „hard“ statements? - How are his words a blessing to all?Hard statement for people who are divorced:Luke 16:18 „Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.“ Connected with 1. Corinthians 6:9-10 it shows the disastrous eternal consequences of disobeying Jesus' words - so please be very careful, when you consider this issue. You need a rock-solid answer if you deviate from Jesus' obvious words. Some answers are provided below. Jesus´ view: „I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father´s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father´s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.“ (John 15:1-11) „But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.“ (Galatians 5:22-25) „Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...“ (1.Corinthians 13:4-8a) To me it seems obvious, that we can best learn the above mentioned virtues in marriage, because this is our closest relationship, where usually all our shortcomings emerge. We are branches and usually as Christians, we have some fruit already. But we can grow - God prunes us, so that we can become more and more like Jesus. This may not always be fun (Hebrews 12:2-7), but it is following his example (Hebrews 2:10, Hebrews 5:8-10). Possible reasons, why Jesus gave clear instructions on the issue of divorce and remarriage - and how this is supposed to help us:
Can we learn to love again? Are we willing to pay the price of logic and leave our hurts behind? Are we willing to forgive as Jesus forgave us? Is our yes a yes? (Please, thoroughly count the costs before you get married and know, that this is a union for this lifetime.) Jesus wants to save us from trouble by saying these clear words. Sure we have trouble in our marriage, but we will have trouble without it as well and even more if we marry again (generally speaking).
I want to remind us to submit to our Kings wordsWe said, that Jesus is our Lord. Does our love to him show in our actions?Is our submission to his ruling visible? Or are we like the people in Jesus' parables who do their own thing when the king is not around? Jesus' view: John 15:10-14 „If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father´s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no-one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.“ Otherwise? What did Jesus actually say about divorce and remarriage - and related topics? (Are there any commands that we should obey to remain in his love as friends?) (In red is his view on marriage.) At the end after all the scriptures there will be a summary of this section. Matthew 5:27-28 „"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.“ Matthew 15:19 „For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean'."“ (= Mark 7:21-23) Matthew 12:39 „He answered, "A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a miraculous sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.“ (= Matthew 16:4. Another reference to an adulterous generation Mark 8:38) Matthew 19:3-12 „Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven´t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ´made them male and female´, and said, ´For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh´? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."“ Which is about the same as Mark 10:2-9. Just the end reads a little different: Mark 10:10-12 „When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."“ Luke 16:18 „"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.“ Matthew 5:32 „But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.“ Matthew 22:24-30 „"Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. ... Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?" Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.“ (= Mark 12:19-25, Luke 20:28-36) Luke 14:26 „"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple.“ Luke 18:29-30 „"I tell you the truth," Jesus said to them, "no-one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life."“ Matthew 19:17-19 „"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments." "Which ones?" the man enquired. Jesus replied, "´Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honour your father and mother,´ and ´love your neighbour as yourself.´"“ (= Mark 10:19 = Luke 18:20) John 8:3-11 „The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no-one condemned you?" "No-one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."“ John 4:16-18 „He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back." "I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."“ Revelation 2:20-23 „Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds.“ Revelation 22:14-16 „"Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practise magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practises falsehood. "I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."“ Further scriptures not fitting directly: Interestingly Jesus used a parable were it seems like the wife and children were the possession of the husband (Matthew 18:25) and in another setting it seems, that sins can be forgiven by works of love - to this woman Jesus didn't even say „Go now and leave your life of sin.“ as in John 8:11 (Luke 7:36-50). Don't let your marriage be a hindrance to come to the big feast in Gods kingdom (Luke 14:20). Don't be too proud if you do some things right (Luke 18:11). Good advice for a wedding feast (Luke 14:8). Jesus was invited to a wedding (John 2:1-2). Summary, what Jesus, our Lord, said:
And remember: Obeying Jesus´ commands will make our joy complete (John 15:10-14).
When can there be exceptions to Jesus´ commandments?Acts 1:3 „After his suffering, he showed himself to these men and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God.“I trust, that the Apostles wrote down the main teachings of Jesus in the gospels. But they knew more (John 21:25). Jesus said that whoever marries a divorced woman, commits adultery - no exception given. But Paul says, that a woman is free to marry if her husband dies (Romans 7:2-3) - I would regard this as well for divorced women: If her former husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So, exceptions can only be made if there are biblical hints towards the issue. These hints should in general come from the New Testament since Jesus changed some of the Old Testament rules. Jesus spoke pretty general - so the details of Paul´s teachings clarify Jesus commands. Here are some more details about marriage: Romans 7:2-3, 1. Corinthians 6:16, 6:18-20, 7:1-16, 7:27-28, 7:39, 2. Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 5:21-33, Genesis 2:18, Genesis 2:23-24, Malachi 2:13-3:2 But remember: If these details contradict Jesus´ original view, then they are probably misunderstood (2. Peter 3:16-17). E.g. 1. Corinthians 7:8-9 says that unmarried people (that includes divorced people) shall marry if they cannot control themselves. This would directly contradict Jesus words, who said „the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery“ (Same in 1. Corinthians 7:27-28 where it says to the unmarried that they have not sinned when they marry (again).) Solution: This can only be meant for people who were divorced before their baptism. They are new persons now (2. Corinthians 5:17 see above) and all former sin is taken away including divorce (Romans 6:6-8 see below). But of course it is still better for them to remain single and give their former spouse the chance to repent and come back (and by this show true grace). But since they are a new creation they could start new. People who are divorced after baptism can only marry their former spouse. That's it.
What limits do church councils have?Or other leadership groups today? What can they decide? Can elders allow what Jesus forbid?You may think, that John 16:13 applies to you: John 16:13 „But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.“ But I am pretty convinced, that this guiding into all truth was done to the Apostles already. They needed to learn, that gentiles can join them. The Spirit gave a clear sign to Peter (Acts 10:44-47) and he helped the other Apostles to realize the truth (Acts 11:17-18).
The original truth was established fully. So, what can a leadership group decide today? Only the application of how this truth, this faith, this will of God is practiced if there are unclarities. But if there are clear instructions no leadership group can distort the truth as Paul warned in Acts 20:30 (see above). It may be a challenge to figure out, what is original and what was given by Moses due to the hardness of peoples hearts, but if we build our building of truth with Jesus´ words as cornerstones, then we should be able to figure it out. For the topic of divorce & remarriage we have clear instructions, when you view them in the overall context and when you regard Jesus´ words as cornerstones (1. Peter 2:6-8, Ephesians 2:19-22).
Worldly ideas - confusionsEcclesiastes 2:8-11 „I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well - the delights of the heart of man.I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labour. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.“ We think that we need certain things, but at the end we may realize that it was meaningless, chasing after the wind. Adam had to choose: Does he want to stay with his wife, who just sinned or with God. (Maybe James 4:4 is too strong in this context? Maybe not? Luke 14:26-27) His action showed that the relationship with God was not enough for him. His action showed that he didn't trust God. Still people think that they need more than God gave to us. Are we aware of the eternal consequences that our wrong doing may have? Do divorced people really need a spouse that bad, that they risk their eternal life? The serpents words were promising and assuring as the words of some confusions:
John the Baptist died for his view on remarriageMark 6:17-20 „For Herod himself had given orders to have John arrested, and he had him bound and put in prison. He did this because of Herodias, his brother Philip´s wife, whom he had married.For John had been saying to Herod, "It is not lawful for you to have your brother´s wife." So Herodias nursed a grudge against John and wanted to kill him. But she was not able to, because Herod feared John and protected him, knowing him to be a righteous and holy man. When Herod heard John, he was greatly puzzled; yet he liked to listen to him.“ Since Herodias had a daughter, Salome, Leviticus 20:21 applies. (See Tertullians´ quote below) So this is an example of someone standing up for his faith (the word of God).
Difficult issuesDon't you become one with anybody who you sleep with (1. Corinthians 6:16) ? Why seems there to be a difference for foreigners, captives or slaves (Ezra 10:10-11, Deuteronomy 21:10-14, Leviticus 19:20-22) ?My answer: Jesus is our king - the Old Testament is only a shadow (Hebrews 10:1) - therefore Jesus can explain how it was from the beginning. (Because of hardness of peoples hearts Moses gave some rules which helped in daily life, but were not according to Gods original intentions for us.)
My answer: All Christians are priests now (1. Peter 2:9) and therefore cannot marry divorced women as the priests in the Old Testament. Christians are holy. How could Jesus change the Old Testament law (Leviticus 20:10) and release the woman caught in adultery (John 8:2-5, 10-11) ? My answer: Jesus came to save the lost and God has no pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:23, John 3:17-21, Luke 15:7). But be advised that Jesus' next coming has a different purpose. He will check on the fruits that his words produced and judge accordingly. Can a Christian woman initiate divorce at all? My answer: Ephesians 5:23 „For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.“ If a Christian woman could initiate divorce the husband would not be the head in this relationship anymore. (If it is too dangerous in the marriage, she can flee, but not divorce - hopefully this is a clear enough sign for the husband to work on repentance.) It seems like killing the spouse has less consequences than divorcing. (If you don't get caught.) My answer: God knows everything. The consequences will be eternal. If you don't believe this, you are not really a Christian and wouldn´t care about this issue anyway, right? (Daniel 12:10) What about more than one wife? My answer: At least for overseers, deacons and elders this is forbidden (1. Timothy 3:2, 1. Timothy 3:12, Titus 1:6). We saw in the Old Testament that it is not a good idea to have more wives and in western countries it is forbidden anyway. (Genesis 2:23-24 hints towards marriage consisting of just one man and one woman in the original that was quoted by Jesus.) Summary: I am happy, that some things changed from the Old Testament to the New Testament. To me it is not understandable, why God made provisions for peoples hard hearts through Moses, because I see these hard hearts today as well. On the other hand this shows a compassionate God. Probably we needed to see, that it doesn't work, if we get our way. Jesus gave us the example for a better life - we can best grow, if we accept the challenges and trust in God that he will help us to go through these. Now we do it Gods way!
Consequences of sin after being forgivenColossians 3:13 „Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.“God forgives everything, right? Sure, he does this for his own sake (Isaiah 43:25). In baptism everything is forgiven and all spiritual consequences are canceled. We are like newborns. Spiritual babies. (Romans 6:6-11, 2. Corinthians 5:17 (see above)) What about sin after baptism? There is forgiveness for sure, but how about the consequences?
Maybe you can see it like Nathan phrased it: „But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt“. The enemies of the LORD could say: See a child of God failed in loving the spouse - is God really with them? Enemies of God could make fun of Christians because of divorces. By remaining single, giving the spouse a chance to repent, enemies of God would see our seriousness of following Gods commandments and that God still carries us through these hard times when we have to endure these problems.
Early Christian beliefsLet´s see how the disciples of the Apostles understood this issue in the beginning - or actually later pupils of these. I trust, that the Apostles found reliable men to further the message according to 2. Timothy 2:2.If we can find in their writings how they practiced divorce and remarriage, then we can see how they understood the scriptures. They were able to read the bible in their mother tongue, some could speak with people who could have asked the Apostels and saw how they practiced the faith, they knew the culture and the usage of speech. So their view is the best commentary on scripture. E.g. we can be relieved that they generally did not gouge out their eyes in their fight against sin (Matthew 5:29) - This hints toward that Jesus exaggerated here to make a point. At the end after all the quotations there will be a summary of this section. The early Christians quoted mostly these scriptures, when they spoke about the topic of divorce & remarriage: „For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce.“ Mal. 2:16 „He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."“ Matt. 19:9 „A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.“ 1 Cor. 7:10, 11 „A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.“ 1 Cor. 7:39 And they wrote (If you like a good summary and some foundational teaching, click here for a mp3 from David Bercot.): And I said to him, "Sir, if anyone has a wife who trusts in the Lord, and if he detects her in adultery, does the man sin if he continues to live with her?" And he said to me, "As long as he remains ignorant of her sin, the husband commits no transgression in living with her. But if the husband knows that his wife has gone astray, and if the woman does not repent, but persists in her fornication, and yet the husband continues to live with her, he also is guilty of her crime, and a sharer in her adultery." And I said to him, "What then, sir, is the husband to do, if his wife continues in her vicious practices?" And he said, "The husband should put her away, and remain by himself. But if he puts his wife away and marries another, he also commits adultery." And I said to him, "What if the woman who has been put away should repent, and wishes to return to her husband? Shall she not be taken back by her husband?" And he said to me, "Assuredly. If the husband does not take her back, he sins. And he brings a great sin upon himself. For he should take back the sinner who has repented. But not repeatedly. For there is but one repentance to the servants of God. In case, therefore, that the divorced wife may repent, the husband should not marry another after his wife has been put away. In this matter, man and woman are to be treated exactly in the same way. Moreover, adultery is committed not only by those who pollute their flesh, but also by those who imitate the pagans in their actions. For that reason, if anyone persists in such deeds, and does not repent, withdraw from him, and cease to live with him, otherwise you are a sharer in his sin." Hermas (c. 150, W) All who have been twice married by human law, are sinners in the eye of our Master. Justin Martyr (c. 160, E) She considered it wicked to live any longer as a wife with a husband who tried to indulge in every kind of pleasure contrary to the law of nature. . . . So she desired to be divorced from him. But she changed her mind because of her [Christian] friends, who advised her to remain with him, with the thought that some time or other her husband might give some hope of change. Justin Martyr (c. 160, E) The Lord also showed that certain provisions were enacted for them by Moses on account of their hardness. . . . It was for that reason that they received from Moses this law of divorce, adapted to their hard nature. Irenaeus (c. 180, E/ W) That the Scripture counsels marriage and allows no release from the union is expressly contained in the law, "You will not put away your wife, except for the cause of fornication." And it regards as fornication the marriage of those separated while the other is alive. . . . "He who takes a woman who has been put away commits adultery." Clement of Alexandria (c. 195, E) The Lord holds it more pleasing that marriage should not be contracted, than that it should at all be dissolved. In short, He prohibits divorce, except for the cause of fornication. Tertullian (c. 205, W) And I said, "If a wife or husband dies, and the widower or widow marries, does he or she commit sin?" "There is no sin in marrying again," he said. "However, if they remain unmarried, they gain greater honor and glory with the Lord. Still, if they marry, they do not sin." Hermas (c. 150, W) A person should either remain as he was born, or be content with one marriage. For a second marriage is only a specious adultery. Jesus says, "For whoever puts away his wife and marries another, commits adultery." He does not permit a man to send her away whose virginity he has brought to an end, nor to marry again. A man who deprives himself of his first wife, even though she is dead, is a cloaked adulterer, resisting the hand of God. For in the beginning, God made one man and one woman. Athenagoras (c. 175, E) That erring Samaritan woman did not remain with one husband. Rather, she committed fornication by many marriages. Irenaeus (c. 180, E/ W) Being a heretic by his very nature, . . . he maintains repeated marriages. Tertullian (c. 200, W) The Lord . . . hurled His denunciation against Herod in the form of unlawful marriages and of adultery. For he pronounced as an adulterer even the man who married a woman who had been put away by her husband. He said this in order the more severely to load Herod with guilt. For Herod had taken his brother's wife after she had been loosed from her husband-by death rather than by divorce. For he had been impelled thereto by his lust-not by the commandment of the Law. For his brother had left a daughter. Therefore, the marriage with his widow could not be lawful. Tertullian (c. 207, W) The next two quotations reflect the Montanistic teaching that all remarriages are forbidden:
[The following quotation pertains to remarriage after the death of a spouse:] "If you are bound to a wife, do not seek to be loosed. If you have been loosed from a wife, do not seek a wife. But even if you have taken a wife, you have not sinned." [1 Cor. 7:27, 28]. He says that because to a man who had been loosed from a wife prior to his believing [in Christ], his wife will not be counted as a "second wife." Because she is his first wife after his believing. Tertullian (c. 217, W) But now, contrary to what was written, even some of the rulers of the church have permitted a woman to marry-even when her husband was living, doing contrary to what was written. For it is said, "A wife is bound so long as her husband lives." Origen (c. 245, E) A woman is an adulteress-even though she seems to be married to a man-if the former husband is still living. Likewise, also, the man who seems to marry the woman who has been put away, does not so much marry her as commit adultery with her-according to the declaration of our Savior. Origen (c. 245, E) "To the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they can remain even as I am. But if they cannot contain themselves, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn." Here Paul also persisted in giving the preference to continence. . . . He challenged his hearers to this state of life, teaching that it was better that a man who had been bound to one wife should from then on remain single, just as he did. On the other hand, . . . on account of the strength of animal passion, Paul allows "by permission" one who is in such a condition to contract a second marriage. . . . He allows a second marriage to those who are burdened with the disease of the passions, lest they should be wholly defiled by fornication. Methodius (c. 290, E) Let not the younger widows be placed in the order of widows, lest . . . they come to a second marriage and become subject to sin. . . . For you should know this, that marrying once according to the law is righteous, as being according to the will of God. But second marriages, made after the promise, are wicked-not because of the marriage itself, but because of the falsehood. Third marriages are indications of incontinency. But any marriages beyond the third are manifest fornication. . . . But to the younger women, let a second marriage be allowed after the death of their first husband. Apostolic Constitutions (compiled c. 390, E) Summary, what the Early Christians said:
How to deal with mistakes?James 5:19-20 „My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back,remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.“ To me it appears that the world is pretty much in chaos about this topic. There is no way to figure out the best biblical application to some situations. There are too many patchwork families. The first thing to improve the situation is to teach the truth according to Jesus´ words. But with love and grace. I trust, that a lot of Christians want to do what is right. They just don´t know what is right. To me it seems to have no value to split up newer marriages for the purpose of restoring the original ones. Especially if children are involved this would cause too much hardship. Remain in the state in which you are now, when you understood the truth (1. Corinthians 7:17-40). So what can we do? I would say: Stop sinning from now on (no divorce, no remarriage anymore). Say sorry to God and to people and make it better in the future.
Practical issuesActs 2:37 „When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?"“If you have a deadly disease, would you like the doctor to tell you? Of course - especially if he has a cure. If a doctor tells you - usually after a dramatic diagnose - that continuing with your lifestyle will kill you soon, many people change their lifestyle pretty radically. Many eat healthier, drink less alcohol or stop smoking. Our focus here is not so much the health in this lifetime, but the eternal consequences of our doing. We may be in the position of a doctor for people. It is a blessing, that we have doctors. It was a blessing that Paul wrote to the Corinthians and Galatians and rebuked them. They could change. Same with Revelations 2 and 3. These churches could repent and live. 1. Corinthians 7:35 „I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.“ Among all these hard rules about marriage Paul reminds us, that this is for our own good! So, what shall I do? Most important: Warn people who are doing things against Gods words (Galatians 6:1, Luke 17:3) - they may loose their eternity with God. But of course do this with love and grace. I am not sure if it is as serious as written in Ezekiel 3:17-21 that we are watchmen for others, but at least Paul seemed to have this scripture in mind when he said good bye to the elders of Ephesus (Acts 20:26-27). 1. Corinthians 6:9-10 „Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.“ (Galatians 5:19-21) So these questions about a wedding of a divorced person can be easily answered, but it is hard to bring across: Can I perform the wedding? - Can I go to the wedding? - Can I congratulate about the engagement? Answer: Think about, how Jesus sees this. I would not share in the sin (1.Timothy 5:22, Ephesians 5:11, Revelation 18:4) of adultery and I could not celebrate something, that has very negative consequences on eternity for the couple. Leadership teams will have to decide what the right measures are to be taken as church discipline: (If I understand the bible correctly, people with deliberate sin shall not take communion, if they don't repent, they cannot be members of the church - and if they still view themselves as Christians despite their actions against Christs commandments, then we can't even eat with them.) Now the difficult question would be: How does repentance look like, so that this couple can become members again and take communion? Another divorce seems to be no good solution. Is there a time after which this act against Jesus´ words is ok? I don't think so. So this would be a sin of which you can't repent of. (Just saying sorry seems not enough.) What if someone left the church, divorced, remarried and then came back? In a way you should not treat him better than someone who stays in the church and commits sin by divorce and remarriage. So what is the solution? There might not be a solution (Hebrews 6:4-6), but who knows, if they really have been enlightened, tasted the goodness and powers? If you see works of repentance, then they might have lacked in something before. Maybe they need to be baptized, because they didn't share in the Holy Spirit? Who knows? (So this would be a very individual and difficult decision for elders.) One thing is obvious: Hebrews 10:26-27 „If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.“ (Read on if you are brave: Hebrews 10:28-11:1) It is obvious, yet mostly explained away, because all of us sin. The difference is, that we don't sin deliberately. Sins happen unintentionally. We are not in our right mind when we do them. Afterwards it is clear to us, that we should not have done this. Usually divorce & remarriage can not be done in the spur of a moment - there is time to think. There is time to get advice. So if it is done, it is deliberate sin which has terrible eternal consequences, if I understand the book of Hebrews correctly. (The couple may not be in their right mind, but the rest of the church should be united and warn them strongly.) It is easiest to do it Jesus´ way - then you don't have to figure out an innocent party or if the divorce was justified. Jesus´ rule was basically: If you marry a divorced person you commit adultery, so don't do it. You only have to figure out if someone is divorced as a Christian and if the spouse is still living. We all have been sinners and all that sin is forgiven in baptism (1. Corinthians 6:11) - if you were divorced before baptism, you can marry, because you are a new person after baptism. (If you were married, this marriage continues anyway. A little inconsistent, but the most reasonable, right?!)
Singles ministries for divorced - it is not good to be aloneGenesis 2:18 „The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."“Loneliness is a big issue in our societies. Especially older people suffer from it. Therefore a church that takes Gods word serious and supports that divorced people need to remain single should take special care of their singles and make sure that they don't become lonely. This may be a big challenge if you don't have many paid workers, but it is part of loving your brothers and sisters and carrying each others burdens (Galatians 6:2).
Summary
For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.“
Or as Jesus would say it: "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."
If we deviate from Jesus' words we are most likely workers of lawlessness. Let us rather fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2), remembering that we are still under God's law (1. Corinthians 9:21), which is the law of the Spirit of life (Romans 8:2) or as James calles it the royal law (James 2:8).
Q&A - Last Updated : 04.07.2017, 2024 |
(by Andreas Weber) Here are some questions and answers, that did not fit there, but may interest some others, too (I hope, that the answers are not too short - if you have any more questions or remarks, please send them to me):
Why do I go into such detail about this issue? What is my goal?Lets say: It developed. When I first read the bible with someone - I thought: Oh, I have to leave my wife, because she was divorced before. People calmed me down and I don't know, if they said anything about all sins will be washed away in baptism.Then there was a big upheaval in our churches and many got divorced and remarried and somehow this didn't feel right. Probably someone asked me about the issue and I started to study it out to finally figure out the truth. It hurts me to see, how many people are hurt by missing guidance in this matter. My goal is that we do it right from some point in time on. The world is in a bad state since a long time. 2000 years ago Jesus already called the people an adulterous generation. All this adultery hurts lots of people. So my dream is, that we at some point do it according to Jesus' words - no divorce, no remarriage - just loving relationships. Call me naïv, but I really believe, that Jesus' way is better. Maybe the following approach is necessary to not have too much upheaval? - I am not sure, if anybody can offer this concession today - it would be better to immediatly do it as Jesus said. So here it comes:
It is a little like Ezra 9 and 10 and Nehemiah 13:1-3, 23-31. When I read this, then I am so encouraged of their heart and repentance. That's how our inward reaction should be, when we realize, that we did things against Jesus' words: "When I heard this, I tore my tunic and cloak, pulled hair from my head and beard and sat down appalled. Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel gathered round me because of this unfaithfulness of the exiles. And I sat there appalled until the evening sacrifice. Then, at the evening sacrifice, I rose from my self-abasement, with my tunic and cloak torn, and fell on my knees with my hands spread out to the LORD my God and prayed: "O my God, I am too ashamed and disgraced to lift up my face to you, my God, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens." (Ezra 9:3-6)
Is there a valid ground to end a marriage? When can you divorce? Is it possible to annul a marriage?There was a dispute at Jesus' time between rabbis, if one could let go ones wife for any cause and Jesus was asked on which side he stands (Matthew 19). Jesus was on the more restricting side and may have narrowed the valid four reasons (unrepented sexual immorality, neglect of food (+ drink), clothing and conjugal love) down to just one: unrepented sexual immorality (marital unfaithfulness, fornication) - his disciples were shocked.As well, they may have been shocked, because Jesus forbade the usually succeeding remarriage. Another possibility for divorce: You are not enslaved to marriage, if an unbeliever wants to leave the union - But the union continues anyway, that's why Paul commands divorced people to remain single or reconcile with their spouse. Anyway, no matter if the divorce was valid or not Jesus forbade remarriage. I assume that Paul allowed it in case the former spouse died, since he allowed remarriage for widows - Jesus didn't speak about this detail so I trust that Paul had the authority to loosen Jesus' general restriction. Interestingly some of the Early Christians advised widows not to marry again - that's how they understood Jesus and Paul. So the strictest view closest to Jesus' words would be to only have one marriage at all. There may be a possibility that the one-flesh-state is not reached (e.g. no intercourse, one or both partners were forced into the marriage, psychological problems), then an annulment may be possible according to the Catholic Church - I am not sure, what Jesus thinks about this, but it may be an option. If an annulment took place, both partners could marry in the future (but of course only after the problems are solved).
When is remarriage possible? Is Jesus' command just an exageration? Can an "innocent party" remarry?Death is the only ground that allows remarriage in the NT. (I am pretty sure that either the family or the church would have taken care of the divorced people in the remote cases of a Christian getting divorced by an unbeliever.)How can someone say: "The person who remarries is not necessarily a literal adulterer, any more than the one who hates is a murderer." The person who remarries definitely has sex while still being one flesh with another person. So it is real, physical adultery. Yes there is hyperbole in Mt 5, but not in Mt 19 - There it is obvious as well, that Jesus teaches something very challenging: The disciples stated: "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." And Jesus did not reply that they misunderstood, no, he even enforced it: "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it." Jesus did not exaggerate at this part, he meant it as he stated it - and we still have difficulties to accept it. Paul is very clear in Romans 7:2-3 ("For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.") and in 1. Corinthians 7:39 ("A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."). Is there hyperbole around it? Additionally Paul changes the phrase from common Jewish divorce certificates to be limited to possible remarriage to someone who belongs to the Lord - but only after death. The only grounds for remarriage remains death ("death" in baptism seems to be acceptable). The only grounds for divorce was adultery and a Non-Christian can divorce a Christian, but these are no grounds for remarriage.
It was illegal to remain single in the Roman world, at least up to a certain age. But there are examples in the bible of unmarried widows like Hanna (Luke 2:36 - let's say: married at 16, plus seven years = 23 when she might have become a widow) and for Jesus and Paul it seems to not have been a problem to stay unmarried. (But probably the rules for men and women were a little different.) From a very brief study of the topic I get that the punishment may have been only that you would be unable to inherit from distant relatives, so no big deal. As well there were exceptions depending on how many children one already had. Paul as a Roman citizen and knowing lots of stuff probably knew this law, too. But he had no problem saying the following: "... Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. ... But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." (1. Corinthians 7:27-28) - the troubles of marriage seem to have been more than the trouble caused by this Roman law. The bible does not speak about an innocent party - this would be difficult to judge anyway. So no remarriage unless one died somehow. (Marriage after annulment is no remarriage in a way.)
Could a marriage die? Could it be viewed equally as death, if the partner is forever gone (e.g. the former spouse is married to someone else)?To me these ideas seem to be human inventions to get around a clear statement from Jesus.In case of the former spouse being married to someone else it could be that this marriage ends as well. And then you can reconcile. And a dying marriage should be revived. That's what Jesus is trying to teach us (see here).
Who has authority to teach? Who is in the best position to understand the bible?We need to grasp how the original listeners understood the message. That's why background information is important.The bible seems to teach footwashing, and unless we allow for a cultural element in interpretation then we should keep washing feet. The Bible is more helpful in figuring out the truth about some things than about others. Some things are easy to grasp, others are not. Some things are very important, others are less important. At some points biblical culture meshes smoothly with our culture, at other points not - discernment and study are required. It simplifys things if we focus on our Lord and his views. We may be better positioned than the 2nd century church fathers to understand what Jesus and Paul meant, since we have access to multiple sources to which they were not privy: Dead Sea Scrolls fragments on divorce, newly discovered Jewish divorce certificates from the 1st and 2nd centuries, over 200 Aramaic, Greek, and Latin marriage and divorce papyri, rabbinic evidence datable to the 2nd century, divorce documents from the Geniza of the Cairo Synagogue. But it seems arrogant, if you oppose the biblical words. Jesus says, people become one flesh, when they marry, Genesis said it before and the 2nd century Christians said it afterwards. If one says "No, you can separate this one flesh by other means than death." then this is arrogant or even worse.
Why don't I interpret or explain the scriptures that I used?To me these are self-explanatory. If you take them at face value they speak for themselves. You can read the context as well and they become even more clear. But if you have specific questions or remarks, I would love to hear them.
Does the bible provide clear answers about marriage, divorce and remarriage?If you have Jesus as a cornerstone, then yes. If you try to match the Old Testament with the New one and then as well with Jewish customs, then no. Jesus is the king and he changed some things - so we just have to follow his words and the details given by Paul (after we match these details with Jesus' words so that they don't contradict each other).
Why didn't Mark and Luke mention the exception given in Matthew?Maybe because the goal is that people stay together and learn from their failures - even adultery?So that people forgive and deal with the shortcomings of people like God does with us? Jesus' view is, that you shall not separate, what God put together - never (only at death). Maybe Mark and Luke focus on the remarriage aspect? It basically doesn't matter why someone got divorced. They can't remarry (until death of one).
Why did the church fathers not mention the "any cause" controversy?Maybe they did not know the controversy, maybe they didn't care. Because Jesus was clear: He did not allow divorce! The only exception was unrepented sexual immorality, but even this only because of the hardness of their hearts.The controversy would only have consequences, if unrepented sexual immorality would have been a valid reason for remarriage as well. But Jesus was clear, that no one can remarry (exceptions see above), who is divorced. So the controversy was meaningless for them - and us.
Is Jewish background information important?In this case not really, since Jesus put a new standard on divorce and remarriage: No divorce (but a man should not stay with a woman who continues in sexual immorality), because you shall not separate, what God put together and no remarriage. (See above for possible exceptions).So the background information can only show why the disciples were so shocked by Jesus' new teachings.
How would Jesus deal with these issues today?That's hard to say, because we know Jesus' grace in the past, but his judgement in the future. Would he show grace or judgement today?I am pretty sure, that he would still show grace and point to the coming judgement and then leave it open to the people, if they want to follow him. He would continue to eat with sinners as we should, but he would distance himself from people who say that they are his followers, but then disobey him. He would probably treat them like the Pharisees.
Is this a disputable matter according to Romans 14:1?You can dispute every matter. But if Jesus says clear words about something, what is there to dispute?Basically if you deviate from Jesus' words, you need a water-tight rock-solid explanation for the day of judgement. Especially if you are a leader. Jesus says: Anyone who marries a divorced person commits adultery. If you are involved in a wedding of a divorced person, then you need a good explanation for that. And with "good" I mean something that would be accepted by the judge, who said "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.".
Last Updated : 25.12.2018, 2024 |